Alexandrism

02 Mar, 2012

Pinokia

— Autor madamhamlet @ 19:22

"Ako lažeš, porašće ti nos" je možda napametnija stvar kojoj nas uče. Zašto? Zato što je prva laž okidač. Koliko god da je mala, koliko god da je "bela", ona je okidač, posle kojeg ništa nije isto. Pokrene se lavina moralnih pitanja u glavi, jer tada znaš da imas izbor. Kada je laž u pitanju, tu je beskrajan izbor gomile mogućih opravdanja i situacija.

"Zašto si slagala?" - pitala sam Pinokiju. Odgovorilo mi je milion glasova u njenoj glavi, koji traže odgovor na to pitanje, a znaju da ne postoji. Najglasniji je bio onaj koji je uzviknuo - "Zato jer nisam htela da povredim!" Ubacio se drugi glas koji je rekao "Ali ti jesi povredila."

Kada Pinokia laže, njoj nije namera da laže, njoj je namera da štiti. Sva ta silna ljubav prema ljudima savila joj je kičmu. Slaba je Pinokia, vetar je baca na sve strane. Čini joj se da je ovo poslednji put. Ali nije. Pinokia dobro zna da ovaj svet funkcioniše drugačije. Ona dobro zna da uvek postoji izbor, a ona bira da ne povređuje. Bira da slaže, da bi zaštitila, ili tako bar kaže sebi. Tako joj zvoca glas u glavi. Bilo bi vrlo lako da joj srce ne plače sa svakom izgovorenom laži, pred kojom obara pogled jer je bitku izgubila.

"Ti, Pinokia, znaš da si povredila. Ti znaš da si pogrešila. Zašto lažeš da si u pravu? Zašto tražiš odgovor bez pitanja? Jednoga dana, kada svetlost obasja tvoju istinu, bićeš kao puž bez kućice. Bićeš otkrivena pred svetom, a to čega se najviše plašiš okrenuće glavu od tebe, sa prezirom u glasu reći da je bolje da si rekla istinu. Svi će okrenuti glavu od tebe, jer tvoje reči neće više biti i tvoje misli. Znaš da ti cela utroba drhti pri pomisli na tu istinu, od koje ne možeš da pobegneš, iako uporno tražiš druge svetove u kojima je neće biti, uvek te taj glas vraća tebi samoj. Iz kože se ne može." - reče joj glas, a potom se povuče u svoj mrak.

Grize je iznutra. Grize je spolja. Grize joj reči. Grize joj misli. Neće da ode, neće da je pusti na miru. Izgrickala je usne, počupala je kosu, isplakala je reku. Ne može da vrišti, plaši se svog glasa. Ostala je samo nemoć, jer se moći odrekla kad je slagala. Boli je. 

A šta je sa svetom? Ako nje ima u svima nama, kakav je ovo svet? Zapravo, koliko svetova ima kad svojim lažima stvaramo i one koji ne postoje? Jedni znaju da ne postoje, ali oni koji su slagani zapravo žive u njima. Šta sa tim svetovima? Šta sa tim ljudima?

Mozda je upravo ta savest ono sto pravi razliku u lažima. Svakako, laž je laž i ne može da bude istina, ma kako zvučala istinito i ma koliko puta je ti izgovorio. Uvek je tu da nekoga ubode, zavede, navede. Bode i istina, ali laž se ne može promeniti, nemaš potrebu menjati je, jer si je smislio da ne bi morao menjati. Istina te pokreće, istina te tera da se menjaš, istina te tera da menjaš sve sto bi promenio samo da imaš malo više hrabrosti. Laž te ostavlja tu gde jesi, u tvom malom nerealnom svetu, gde ne pronalaziš sebe, već ono što nisi. Razmisli o ovome sledeći put kad rešiš da slažeš.

Napisala je sve ovo Pinokia, nadajući se da će izgovorena laž odlepršati sa iskrenim rečima.  


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